Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Randomize
