I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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