Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Randomize
