you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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