actually, I'm a sock model
I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
