you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
