I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
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