yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
The chlamydia really affected his face.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
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