why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Randomize
