I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Still dying that you shit outside
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
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