Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
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