Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
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