i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
