i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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