my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
