She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
