somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
I forgot how hot balto sounded
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
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She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
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By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
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