More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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