btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize