I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
i came on her dog
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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