He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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