We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Randomize
