My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
