Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
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