i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
