I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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