just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
