your parents love me but you hate me
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Randomize
