I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
