Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Randomize
