Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
i will never coherently bang her
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize
