Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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