# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Randomize
