there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
Randomize
