I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
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I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
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Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
I'm at about main and main street
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
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