this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize
