then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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