riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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