I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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