You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
