Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
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