it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
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