We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
mondays should just be called national damage control day
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Randomize
