And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
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