How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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