He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
