Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
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