you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Randomize
