I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Randomize
