We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
