I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
