I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
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