You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
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