I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
