8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Randomize
