i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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