does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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