Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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