im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Randomize
