as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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