so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
