Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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