what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
