Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
