the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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