we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Randomize
