My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize