so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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