after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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