yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Randomize
