So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
