He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
